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According to a survey 92 percent of cheating men said that they cheat because of emotional disconnection. People would think that men cheat because of the sex but what they do not realize is that sex, being a medium of emotional transmission into a physical expression, is just as important to men as affection is important to women.
Men are also emotional beings. The problem is that society has painted them in a way that doesn’t make them look like that. Society plays a heavy role in defining men. Think about it, the media places a big misconception on men that they become “macho” when they have more than just one woman. Almost to the point where it connotes that the more women a man can have, the more powerful he becomes- or that men have the biological right to cheat mainly because he has the penis.
They do not have to worry about being pregnant or checking in with their monthly OB-GYN visits. The media portrays them as the alpha dogs and that women are merely dispensable sexual objects. We are mislead into believing that men are these lustful, animalistic gods who have no sense of self control, remorse and conscience to decipher what’s right from wrong when it comes to sex.
This misconception is confusing and can basically mislead us from the truth. Men are just as emotional as women, but they simply displace their emotions in different, socially-acceptable ways.
1. Appreciation– Most men who cheat feel under-appreciated by their partners. With daily worries like bills, children and chores, couples drift away from appreciating one another. The other woman often makes the man feel better- making them feel different, appreciated and admired. Men look strong, powerful and capable. But on the inside, they’re insecure like everybody else. They’re looking for somebody to build them up to make them feel valued.
Men have a winning mentality. Just think about how men watch their favorite sports teams on television. They love to win. As long as they’re in the game, even to the very end, they’ll watch. Once it’s a blowout and they know their team can’t win, the television goes off. Now they might not have been great guys to live with but if you want to preserve your relationship make them feel like they’re winning with the things that they do for you. It doesn’t matter how small it is, appreciation will save your man from looking at an affair.
2. Appearance vs Attention– 88 percent of men surveyed in a study said that the other women were no better looking than their own wives or girlfriends. This only proves that there are other things aside from physical looks that can drive a man to cheat. Attention is one of them. Most men cheat because their wives or girlfriends stop paying attention to them. They put a very strong hold on this and if they can’t find it in your home or apartment, they come looking for it someplace else.
The other woman makes them feel secure. They feel like they can be themselves. They can talk more, express more and the listening ear is always available when they need to share their stories. It surprises them how someone else can be so interested in their work, their childhood, their plans and their dreams. And men put a high price on this!
Anybody, no matter how you look, can be admiring, open and give you that extra little pump and hang on to every one of your words. So instead of spending too much extra time in the office, why not spend some quality time listening to your partner.
3. Power. A common mistake of working power women is when they make the men feel emasculated by rubbing to their faces that they have higher incomes. This can make the guy feel criticized and again, under-appreciated. Making them lose their sense of power in a relationship.
According to Sherry Argov, in the book “Why Men Marry Bitches”, “Power is just as intoxicating to men as romance is intoxicating for women”. Once they feel vulnerable the men will try to regain the lost power by cheating with a woman, who, as you guess it, usually works as a waitress in TGI Fridays!
So be extra careful in how you appear to your partner when you have a high powered career. Although men may look supportive and proud, they do have a certain form of insecurity when it comes to providing food on the table or paying for dinners. It is not to say that the woman should feel sorry for being more successful than he is, or that she should just quit her job or ask to be demoted just to caress his ego.
It’s more on how you handle yourself tactfully and sensitively when you talk about your job, your paycheck, your FICO score, your investments or your purchases. Modesty is the important thing here. Don’t criticize his job or his income either. Make sure that you let him know that you’re rooting for him, not competing against him.
4. Passion. Most couples stop going out on dates when the honeymoon stage is over. 4 years into marriage and it’s all about microwavable TV dinners and talking about bills. The spice has been replaced by monotony. Therefore, once in a while you should go out to your favorite restaurant, go to the movies (not rent a DVD) and watch a flick you both enjoy.
Activities, outside of the routine living at home, are the things that get the juice flowing in a relationship. Many couples stop dating after marriage or after a long period of time, then the woman wonders why the man has ran away with another woman.
This is because men, in general, like fun and outgoing women. They like a woman who laughs more and knows how to have a good time. Men are like children and if you’re not going to be a fun playmate, they will find the next girl in the neighborhood to play with. If you’re such a drag chances are he’ll resent you for it. A man needs to be constantly stimulated to maintain his attention. Otherwise, he will take it out on himself and feel unappreciated and taken for granted. He wants to know that you can still be entertained by his company, that he can still make you laugh and be interested in his character.
Don’t stop the humor because you’re already busy with important priorities. Include recreation in your budget and schedule. Make sex more interesting by buying a new pair of sexy lingerie. Experiment in bed. The key here is that you need to cover all the aspects of your life together keep him hooked and interested in only you.
This is not to say that you should be a doormat and become his own private entertainer, like a court jester juggling tricks for the king all day long. The mere purpose of this is to keep the fire burning, the engines running and the steam flowing. Remember, men are just as passionate as women.
write by Letitia