Being Single and the Lifestyle I Need to Create to Attract the Right Partner

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Nature’s laws bring nature to high rise offices, TV addicted children and relationships that struggle for balance. Nature’s laws can bring a new understanding of an old theme, that really, our humanity is grounded in the balance of nature…

First Step.. Resolve Your Issues, Don’t Solve them….

• Unhappiness is not solved by happiness… it is resolved by thankfulness for what is as it is.
• Depression is not solve by elation.. it is resolved by realistic expectations.
• Anger is not solved by peace.. it is resolved by perception shifts.
• Loneliness is not solved by companionship.. it is resolved by self-worth.
• Frustration is not solved by holidays or work life balance… it is resolved by evolving.
• Confusion is not solved by clarity… it is resolved within the human heart.

In understanding the difference between solving our problems and resolving our problems, we understand that happiness is over-rated. Fulfilment, contentment, inspiration and inner peace are far more authentic and sustainable aspirations. Of course, it just depends a bit on where we are at in our life. So, with this principle you learn that the “Purpose of a Relationship is NOT happiness” – don’t make that a goal and you’ll be well on your way to new love.

Come into Harmony With True Human Nature

To be more balanced, our society, communities and work cultures need to Nature-Up a bit more. But we all can’t live out in the forest or by the sea 24/7, so, to help us stay connected to nature even in our offices, we can help ourselves by living, working and breathing in harmony with nature’s law.

To do that, you simply make a list of everything you want in your partner, sort of like the ad you’d put in an online dating web site or newspaper.

Then, list the opposite qualities of the ones you’ve listed for the newspaper, for example… if you day you want a kind partner, write down unkind.. because that’s a real person, not a fantasy one, and you’ll meet real people, and only think you’ve met a fantasy one.

So, if you meet someone and they display all the positive qualities on your list, know with 100% accuracy that to love that person, and enjoy a long term relationship with them, you will have to embrace their opposite side… can’t do it? Don’t start it.

Be The One You Most Want to Meet

For years people have been sold the romantic notion that their partner will “COMPLETE ME”.. you complete me is a wedding vow, and it’s 100% guaranteed to mess up any dating, romance or relationship… eventually. When two people are the same, one isn’t necessary. So, we’re repelled from our exact likeness and suddenly think we want our exact opposite. This is also unstable and unsustainable.

Instead, take the list of your ideal mate, the one we already did in “Harmony” and make this your ambition. Become the partner you most want and to do that, you’ll have to fess up and somehow like the fact that you are both the positive and negative you search for in others.

Now, you might find this confronting, but remember, in nature, nothing is ever missing it just changes in form. So, you may not have a hairy chest, but that hairy chest might be a manly strength, and you will have that in one of the seven areas of life. (spiritual, mental, social, career, health, relationship, financial)

Looking is the problem. Attracting is the key..

They need you, more than you need them. Be self assured. By becoming the person you most want to be around you’ll start to suspect that others want to be around that person called you too. When you are looking you are wanting and when wanting you’ll catch your prey but rarely are those catches as delicious as you first thought. Better to feel fantastic, look fantastic and have a purpose greater than you so, other people want some of it.

Then, every train ride, bus ride, cafe purchase, swim club meeting and kayak paddle becomes a singles club. Chemistry flows and you are wise not to dive in and if you’re not hungry, and like your own company, you’ll be very attractive and extremely discerning who gets your phone number for phase 2.

Always base phase 2 on career.

No man’s land is an awful place, it’s up in the Whitsundays, near Someday Isle… Someday I’ll do this, Someday I’ll do that.. and when a person is living on Someday Isle, you are going to become a part of the fodder of their “gee if only” life script.

If only you’d be different. If only you’d change that. If only we lived in Tasmania. If only the world was different. It’s awful, high maintenance, self depreciating but highly sexually charged. Be careful of the “I wish I hadda” recruitment agency.. once in, it’s really hard to get out with your head on your shoulders.

Create Space

Relationships take time out of your day. If you are busy, and single, you’re stuffed. If you are busy and married, you’re going to be stuffed. Relationships take time.

Last Saturday afternoon, after a long paddle on my ski, I came home, showered, ate, and lay on the lounge room floor to listen to some great music for two whole hours. I slept, dozed, watched the sky and if I was in a permanent relationship, my partner might be with me in that time. It’s relationship time, or down time from wanting and doing and being. Whether I’m single or double, this time is precious and I do something like this every day. Just thankful to be, nowhere.

If you’re waiting for a partner to make you feel good about down time, you might find someone that fits that need for a year, but eventually, if you don’t give it to yourself, nobody will.

Prevention is better than cure

It’s important to intervene in situations of imbalance as soon as possible and preferably prevent them happening in the first place.

Clearly, if we spend too many years out of balance we end up doing permanent damage.

So, the key to balance and maintaining a healthy awareness of balance in relationships, is not to get out of balance in the first place.

It starts with YOU: breathing with balance, goes to thinking, posture and leads to expectations of balance.

The enemy of balance is YOUR EGO, and Ego thrives on emotion, and all emotion comes from imbalanced thinking. Even helping our children to use both sides of their brain, both hands and breathe right can make a huge difference to their long term well-being.

Getting Past the Crazy Notion of Work Life Balance.. to Work Work Balance

If you come home from work with less energy than you left home with in the morning, you are potentially destroying everything you are working to create.

So, the idea that, because you are single, you can practice the art of Burn-out on a daily basis is going to cause you grief.

I used to live one of those models of work life balance that separated what I experienced at work from what was going on at home. It was a real disconnect.

For example: I’d come home some days so full of pride for the day just past and cop a real mouthful of bitterness from my wife.

I resented her for this because I didn’t recognise the links between my Ego at work and my partner’s response at home. When we get up ourselves our partner brings us down and visa versa.

Compensating for overwork with Under Relationship stinks. This practice of Self Balance needs to be a habit, and a relationship will flow easily.

Bring Home the Love

When we are single it is very easy to become a legend in our own lunchbox. We come home tired, wounded and plonk ourselves in front of our night courses, TV, jogging or whatever.

I used to bring home worry, stress and anxiety and didn’t really know how much this impacted the possibilities of my family life.

Nothing affects the child more than the unlived life of the parent, and, nothing affects the relationship more than the unlived life of the partner. If we come home bitter and pissed about the challenges or confrontations of our work then our home is no home, it’s an office and we’re still there.

No person with any level of self-worth would stay in a relationship with a person who isn’t bringing home the love… not for kids or sex.. and for money – only for a few years.

Romance

Change modes between home and work.. at work you might be welcome to talk about improving things, making things better, aspirational talk… but if you bring that stuff home it’s basically saying to your partner “I want to improve you because I’m not thankful for who you are.” I know that’s not what you’re thinking, but that’s the result.

Now, all romance comes from thankfulness. Thank you for being you. When we say, “here’s how you can improve” it’s the opposite to romance. For me, as a management and personal consultant this awareness is vital because it’s easy to find the problems to solve in business and come home to find the problems to solve in my partner… it’s all an act of love but it’s not received with equal welcome.

Simply in relationships… don’t listen to advice you didn’t ask for or/and wouldn’t pay for.

Sustainable or Not?

If you ask me to do something for a day in order to get what I want for a week I’ll do it. So, sometimes people turn into the most lovely, kind, seductive, delicious, friendly, caring, sweet, horny lover for a day, because they want the pleasure of a seduction that can last a week.

People don’t change. Simply, if that guy you meet has a reputation for shagging every girl in the office, and he’s turned over a new leaf when you meet him, don’t believe it. People don’t change, or at least, rarely do.

If a person blames their ex, blames their boss, blames their sister or brother, or lawyer for their past behaviours, nothing has changed. It’s just a new suit. And becoming a yogi, a meditator or spiritual devotee doesn’t change things, it just changes the form of things.

Beware the illusion that somebody is different than who they used to be. It’s based on denial and that’s not the very long river in Egypt.. it’s trouble.

A Tap on the Shoulder or a Kick in the Butt

“If you come home at night with less energy than you went to work with, adjust fast, it’s an early warning sign from nature.. time to evolve”

I used to compromise this ideal.

I mean to say, I’d come home from work and in a weird sense be proud of how exhausted I was from a hard day, week, year’s work.

I’d get some sympathy but in the long term, it affected my children, partner, friendships and health. If only someone loved me enough to confront my myth maybe I would have caused less hurt and been more authentic and cut the damage bill to a fraction of what it finally cost.

The investment in learning to respond, adapt, evolve, modify, improve from taps on the shoulder can save you a fortune in wealth, and more importantly, a lot of unnecessary dysfunction in love.

Realistic… Not Idealistic

What you will find inspiring about nature’s laws is that they are realistic, not idealistic. Infatuations, delusions and illusions come from idealistic thinking, and this most often happens when people get out of harmony with nature.

Disconnected from nature there is an opportunity to become ungrounded and be our own worst enemy.

We can begin to expect our partner, the world to be some cartoon character or movie role. Like the self sacrificing man who gives up his all to be with the love of his life… and has no regret… eeeek.

Balance in life is a real joy, and one great key from nature is to be realistic. Balance is not static – it’s about activation, adaptation and integration.

There are going to be times of great stress, demand and challenge in everyone’s life and these are extremely healthy and important.

A person who tries to avoid stress is going to either bore themselves to an early grave or become stressed, avoiding stress.

We all know people whose fear of stress causes them to become weak and frail.

But there are serious problems with excess stress and sustained imbalance that often lead to obsessing over holidays, addiction to foods and alcohol, sexual affairs and some extreme forms of guru worship and new age paranoia.

We share realistic life balance awareness that embraces the need to “put in the hard yards” every now and then.

Live by these Principles… Bring home the love

• Evolve through Challenge
• Stop Stress before it happens
• Commit to going Home with more energy than you come to work with
• Take Emotional Showers and do your own dirtily laundry before you get home
• Turn up 110% when you choose. Turn off 110% when you choose
• Take no bull, give no bull.. talk straight, walk straight, lead with integrity.

Avoid the Following Like the Plague – Early Warning Signs of Imbalance are too often ignored at our own peril.

I’ll list a few: great people who are all one sided, happy people who never show unhappiness, yes people who never disagree, sweet people who are never angry, sexy people who never fart, kind people who are never mean, generous people who are never demanding, spiritual people who never swear, vegetarians who don’t harm animals… just be aware, there’s no such thing as a half human… only Schizophrenic People and Psychopathic people think so, and in extreme, these people are dangerous.

To a less degree Bi-Polar individuals like born again, fundamentalists, terrorists, and environmentalists come from the same splintered world and may look and sound attractive, but with nature’s law, you can see they become transparent. Danger averted.

More Obvious Warning Signs of Delusion and Unsustainable Lust are:

Elation, anger, righteousness, super spiritual, frustration, anxiety, addiction, obesity, violence, self abuse, withdrawal, immune system breakdown, anger at past partners, poor relationships with parents or over infatuation with parents.

Don’t wait for advanced signals, learn to detect imbalance right at the root and that’s what I am really keen to demonstrate.

write by martinez